I hate you, i love you
by DraigSiriol
Summary: Mitsunari Ishida's thought, flashbacks and memories after his defeat over Ieyasu. his true feeling on the man he claims he hates and the aftermath of his decisions. Boy x Boy, IeyasuXMitsunari.


Hey guys! i just sat down at my computer today and decided i needed to get some feeling off my chest, how i feel Mitsunari should be thinking after Sengoku Basara: samurai heroes. enjoy and please review :) but no comments made just to point out every single fault please, helpful points are welcomed though xxx

Tell me what you think xxx

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Throughout my life, I have done many things that have had a grave effect on others and myself. The reasons for this is my incapability to show my true feelings of compassion and kindness, although… I have learn that I have no trouble in expressing my anger and hatred. I don't regret the battles I have faced, the commanders and warriors I have slain in my rage. The one thing…that I regret…is the one thing I thought I would never had felt in my life…that I truly hate myself for disgracing you…for taking your life.

After lord Hydeyoshi was slain, the rage boiled up inside of my heart, this anguish I felt at that moment was greater than losing my own life, the only true pain I could ever feel… I never realised it until your lifeless body lay in front of me. That the death of my lord, the man I worshiped like a god, caused a hole to shoot into my heat, but the fact that it was you that had betrayed and slain him, betrayed me! Was the shot that tore out the moments of compassion and care inside of my fragile heart.

I feel stupid now you know…unknowing to Yoshitugu, almost every day I would go to your grave site and remember…

_ "Ieyasu!" Mitsunari stared at pouting Ieyasu as he stormed behind him, as he moved behind the other man, he placed his arms around the others. "Would you listen to me!Look if you want to fight successfully then you have to get the right stance"_

_There bodies and faces so close, they could feel each others breaths._

_"Sure, I will try my hardest" Ieyasu turned his face and smirked at the silver haired man standing behind him. "You know, you really are beautiful when you look like that"_

_Mitsunari pulled away quickly, shielding his face away._

_"w-what are you doing, sprouting nonsense like that! This is how I usually look!" little remarks like his had become more often and now Mitsunari could feel slight amounts of colour rush to his cheeks._

_Mitsunari could hear Ieyasu footsteps behind him, getting closer. _

_"I know, that's why I said it" Ieyasu had spun Mitsunari towards him, He caught a dark purple petal in mid-air, looked at it for a moment, then he placed it on my cheek bone._

_Mitsunari couldn't help but stand there stunned as the man held his hand for a moment, winked at him and then took his leave._

"GOD DAMN IT IEYASU!" I cupped my head in my hands for a minute, pushing back my emotions like lord Hydeyoshi had taught me. Why do you haunt me so, no matter what I do I can't forget how we used to be. As I wandered into the yards of my castle, the sky was a gradient of black, blue and pink. Dark purple flower petals fluttered through my field of vision. Letting out a painful chuckle before looking directly towards the heavens.

"Just like that night… right Ieyasu" I whispered these words as they felt like they drifted off with the light breeze.

_Again the petals were swirling in the sky, it was a calm night, the only sound was the rustling of the leaves from the warm summers breeze. Until I heard another rustle coming from the hall, I sat up and placed a hand on my sword I kept at my bedside. I realised it after I noticed a smiling Ieyasu through the sliding door. I sighed and glared at him, my gaze was broken when I realised that he was only wearing his night wear, which consists of a pair of baggy shorts and nothing else, of course I turned away._

_"What do you want Ieyasu?!" feeling flustered, all I wanted was him out of my sight before something… would happen._

_He inched closer to me, settling down at the end of my futon. "I do believe Mitsunari, that you owe me from the little event earlier"_

_I stared at him confused for a moment before a sudden flashback entered my mind…_

_"Mitsunari! Watch out!" my body was flung to the side and impacted my side. Looking up to see Ieyasu placed on top of me. Moments later a canon landed where I was standing. The closeness made me fluster for a second and I pushed him off._

_"Why did you do that?!" he was going to retaliate but he just laughed at my red expression..._

_"Ohh right" looking down, I clutched onto my futon. I am grateful that he moved me out of the way, but to have to be saved by him was not a moment I will be sharing to the world or lord Hydeyoshi anytime soon._

_The next couple of moments moved fast as the next thing knew, that moron Ieyasu was spread on top of me, holding my hands above my head._

_Silence fell for a moment before I fully realised what was going on._

_"Ieyasu! You bastard! Get off of me!" I tried to free my hands but I felt compelled to stop when his face lowered to mine._

_"This is my prize for saving you Mitsunari" the corners of his lips moved upwards "Do not worry… I can tell you will enjoy this too"…_

That night was a mixture of emotions, from pain to pleasure, hate to lust, but in the end…I was glad he had come to my room that night.

A single tear trailed down my cheek, leaving it to drip down my chin and fall. It is because of him that I have these feelings, but because of our betrayals and fantasies…we have paid the ultimate price. For you, Ieyasu, your soul has been taken from this earth. For me, Mitsunari Ishida, I have given myself a life of loneliness and longing. This once beating heart transformed into a dark crystal of despair. Left trying to fill the gaping hole left inside of me…

A couple more tears began to fall, hearing the faint sound of footsteps jogging behind caused me to wipe my face clean of the liquid seeping from my eyes, lord Hydeyoshi had always drilled into my head that showing weakness was unacceptable… as I let my hands fall, one last tear dripped down my face onto my cheek bone…one of the petals landed softly on the tear, absorbing it.

"Dark king" one of my commanders stood around 7 feet behind me "Date Masamune has just arrived and is waiting for you in the court yard"

Hardening my voice "I see" before turning around, I took the petal from my cheek with a small smirk before holding it for a moment, letting the petal go on the breeze.

Grabbing hold of my sword, I walked past the commander. Since I can not go back and undo that final moment, I must live with this empty case of a heart of mine, if I don't have you to bring me life, then I must go on fighting, even if it breaks me down, cripples me and destroys me…at least through this kind of suffering, even if for a moment, these blood baths will numb my emotions and give me a moment of life.

Aishiteru…

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Hey everyone! im really happy if you stuck through this little fanfiction, i know the intimate moments were cut short before the good stuff happened but i decided that i would do an extra chapter or a short fanfiction of those moments separately if you guys want it.

hope you enjoyed it

Draig xxx


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